A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
"it" just moved
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
