so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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