im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
