are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
operation harelip BJ is a go
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
