I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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