please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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