just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
