my mouth tastes like poor choices
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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