I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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