Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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