I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
