what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
