Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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