I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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