I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i drank out of a bidet.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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