fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
