Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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