Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Swine flu. Run for my life!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
