then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
