The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
