just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
