I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
