sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
