My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
