So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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