He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
what day is it and did you see me today?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
