I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
