Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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