so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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