So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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