She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
