he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
