I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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