alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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