Define "chronic" masturbator.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Randomize
