just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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