Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
