he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
