It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
