he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Green mimosas i think yes
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize