Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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