Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
