It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
