I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
