I'm going to rape someone's good day.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
