Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
