they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
