At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize