no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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