She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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