You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
