just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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