This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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