is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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