weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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