Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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