Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
