i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
