if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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