If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
