she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
