rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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