I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize