How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
