I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
